don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
do herpes really smell.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
