gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
