i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize