tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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