Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
