Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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