He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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