i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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