and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
