you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
