i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
