it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
