you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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