Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
