I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
