well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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