He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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