I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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