I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
