He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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