I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
