Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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