Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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