You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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