so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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