By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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