Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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