I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
