just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
