glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
