there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
