This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
