Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
should my penis look like a turkey
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
