To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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