im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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