best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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