So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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