how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
