If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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