All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
