it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
