I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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