a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize