Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
