I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
