Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
