Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
