Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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