Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
