An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
