Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize