Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
