My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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