Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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