Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
