wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
