Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
