Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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