I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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