she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
