Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
