I feel like I'm in dance class right now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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