I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
