She said her name was "party"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
