Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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