my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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