I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
