she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
