Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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