I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Farmville is her only friend.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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