my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
