Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
