somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's blow job season.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
