Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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