how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
