I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
